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Make Muse

For the young womxn who wants to make a change.

  To All the Tantrums I’ve Thrown in Fitting Rooms Before

To All the Tantrums I’ve Thrown in Fitting Rooms Before

To All the Tantrums I’ve Thrown in Fitting Rooms Before.png

Growing up, I was always being called la gordita (the chubby girl). And while I know it’s used as a term of endearment in my culture, it still leaves an unsettling feeling, especially at such a young age. I’ve always struggled with accepting my body and truly loving myself, which made shopping for clothes both my favorite and most dreaded activity. I have always loved fashion and putting together new pieces to create outfits, but to this day, I still get very anxious about going into fitting rooms. It’s an ongoing process, but at least I’ve stopped throwing tantrums. #progress


Running Into An Old Frenemy… Again and Again

I’m a lover of fashion:

colors, patterns, textures,

all astounding how they come to play.

I love spending hours

looking through tight racks overflowing

with every piece imaginable.

I love conjuring pieces in my head

imagining they’ll mold onto the perfect fit

for my body.

And through all this love I have,

ironically,

Fitting Room remains my worst enemy.  

Fitting Room has always been that friend I try to love,

but in reality, she’s just toxic.

Yet, I keep running into her.  

Always making me think I should be a different version of myself,

Always whispering I would look better if I was maybe just a size smaller,

Always taunting me to the verge of tears.

She succeeds.

Each time I step into a fitting room,

while I wait for the attendant to unlock the door to my dungeon,

I can already feel myself begin to sweat,

before the fluorescent lights even begin to shine upon me.

(I mean do you really have to make them so bright?)

I see myself reflected back at me on the mirror,

and I immediately begin to point out what I see as flaws:

thighs are too wide, too flat chested, stomach not flat enough.

At that time, I began to cry.

But that was then.

Now, I walk into a conversation with Fitting Room

feeling anxious, but not defeated.

I walk in ready to find what I feel great in,

ready to put together my greatest creation.

I still struggle. I still find imperfections.

But the first thing I see,

is my smile.

Happy to be here. Ready to take on this challenge.

Now I say,

Hi Fitting Room, nice to meet you.

I’m here to feel great.

By Melanie Rodriguez

 
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