Happy V - Day!
No, not Valentine’s day silly, that was weeks ago! By “V,” I mean vagina because I’m about to get real about vaginas and more specifically, masturbating with one.
The stigma behind female masturbation is so shame-based it's disgusting. But guess what? Everybody does it or, at least, is curious about it. It’s actually proven that masturbation is a fantastic health benefit and form of self care.
So set aside some time for a little self-exploration. Many women figure out what makes them cum and don’t deviate from that path, but chances are, those tactics aren’t the only thing you’ll be using when you have sex with a partner. Knowing your body and finding all the different ways it can orgasm is great for your sexual health and is known to make you more communicative with your partner. So why not learn everything possible about different ways you can get off? The opportunities are endless.
1. First of all, Get Shame out of the Way
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that masturbation is often taught to be something shameful growing up. Get this out of your mind! Masturbation is healthy, natural, and so so fun! As long as you’re ashamed of it, it’s not going to be near as fun as it can be. Try talking about it with your best friends or someone you’re close to. You’ll be surprised at their response, I’m sure.
2. Use Toys, But Don’t Start with Them
You’re about to start masturbating! How exciting! You may be thinking your first move is to reach for a handy vibrator or dildo, but hold up. Starting with a toy is actually not the best move. Sure, sometimes you just want to get it done, but doing that every time can actually cause a numbing sensation to the clitoris, making orgasm through intercourse even more difficult.
Instead, consider starting with your hand. Once you work yourself up a bit and are even more sensitive, up your game with a toy. This is also a very good way to achieve multiple orgasms., one with your hand and another using a toy.
(In the market for a good toy? Check out LoveHoney if you’re just getting started.)
3. Check out other Erogenous Zones
As for using your hands, going right for your clit or vagina is beginners play. Have you ever heard of erogenous zones? These are places on your body that can be overly sensitive to light physical touch. Think of places that make you shiver and get goosebumps. Popular ones are the nipples, feet, stomach, neck, inner wrist, scalp, and ears.
When you’re getting started, with a light hand, caress these parts of your body. Pay attention to how it feels - good? Bad? Is this a spot you find yourself responding to? If not, try doing it even softer. Sometimes, a lighter touch is the key.
If so, maybe try running your fingertips over your inner arm softly, rubbing your scalp with your nails, or down your neck. Many of us know how good it feels when someone kisses their neck or pulls their hair - don’t be afraid to replicate those moves on yourself! Get it, girl! Find out what you like and work up your body first that way, before making your moves down below.
4. Gentle is Better
This goes along with my last piece of advice, but be gentle!! There are like a bajillion nerve endings (8,000, to be exact, as opposed to a penis which has 4,000) in your clitoris, so chill honey. The harder the touch, the more likely you are to go numb from overstimulation, and the less likely you are to orgasm.
If you’re sitting there, like, but Morgan!! I’m barely touching my clit and guess what - it feels like I’m barely touching my clit. I understand. It’s frustrating. A lot of the masturbation game is in your head.
For those of you that aren’t familiar with the term, edging is bringing someone to the brink of orgasm, but backing off right when they’re about to cum.
Cruel. I know. But listen to me, that shit is fire.
Because no, that’s not the end. The point of edging is to make the orgasm you have more intense when you finally reach it. So you want to back off before you reach it, just long enough to cool down slightly, before going back in with a different tactic and getting worked back up again. A good way to do this is to utilize the erogenous zones previously mentioned - instead of giving yourself the clitoral stimulation you’re dying for, try some nipple play. You’ll have yourself eating out of the palm of your hand.
That’s not the expression, but shush, and bear with me friends. You’re going to have the time of your life.
6. If You Don't Orgasm, It’s not a Failed Masturbation Session
Do you orgasm every time you have sex? Chances are, no! So why is that the expectation we have when we are pleasuring ourselves? While yes, everyone loves a good orgasm, sometimes it’s about the journey ladies, not the destination. Enjoy it and take your time! The endorphins you release will make you feel amazing whether you actually release or not.
7. Anal Play
Now some of you may be like “NOPE” but hear me out! Anal play is 100x scarier than it is in reality. To figure out if you’re actually interested in anal, next time you’re playing with yourself, lightly brush a finger over the skin between your vagina and butthole, you’ll be surprised how sensitive the skin there is. Just like the lips around the vagina, there are thousands of nerve endings here that are intensely pleasurable when done right.
If you’ve played with your fingers and it’s something you’re interested in taking to the next level, check out these toys!
If you’re a gal who likes the sensation of being full during penetrative sex, you’re going to die for this weighted plug. I mean literally, the orgasm you have may kill you it’s going to feel so good. If you’re interested in double penetration, pair this bad boy with your favorite dildo and go to town!
Do you like being rimmed? Is it something you’ve always wanted to try? A great way to stimulate that feeling during solo play is through an anal vibrator. Here’s a great one for you to try!
If you like the sensation of having your asshole stretching and contracting, check out these awesome anal beads! They’re smaller for beginners and are super easy to clean with soap and water when you’re finished.
8. Consider Using Lube
Now I’ve talked about all these awesome ways to get off, but before you pick up your toys and go to town, please please pick up some lube. Even if you’re not using toys, you can prevent tears and excess friction by using a nice water-based lube.
9. Don’t Be Afraid If You Ejaculate - It’s Natural!
WIth a lot of these different masturbation techniques, you may have a moment where you think - oh shit, am I going to pee? You may be craving release in a way you’ve never experienced before. This is usually a sign you’re close to squirting. Female ejaculation is seen as something of a myth, but it’s actually much more common than you’d think! If you feel like you’re going to release, try to slip a towel under you real quick to avoid any mess, but, other than that, have at it, honey! If you’re one of those people who haven’t experienced squirting and want to, the most important thing is to relax. Get out of your mind. Don’t chase after that release, let it come slow and natural. You’ll probably be surprised that once you start squirting, you’ll do it even more frequently!
10. If You Need Visuals, Use Visuals
Porn, ladies. I’m talking porn. And not that sexist content that’s so popular out there but supporting individual sex workers and paying for porn (you can often find amazing people through sites like Twitter or Tumblr) or using sites like Make Love not Porn or The Crash Pad Series for queer produced, feminist porn. Hell yeah! Sometimes having a visual aid can help you relax, get into the mood, and get out of your mind. Another great way to use porn is to listen to your porn instead, through audio porn. Try it, it may be something you really enjoy!
At the end of the day, masturbation is a totally awesome, natural, way to express self-love that isn’t talked about openly enough in our society. Hopefully, some of these tips will get you more comfortable with loving your body the way it deserves!